Fast 9 Review: Disconnect You Head

If you have been a fan of the Fast and Furious franchise, you have put up with a lot of “suspension of disbelief.” I watched the first two movies back in the day and skipped Tokyo Drift. I eventually came back with Fast Five, but I threw in the towel with the last film. Then Fast 9 dropped and I read some reviews, which seemed a bit forgiving. So, I opted to check it out.

I heard phrases like “disconnect your brain” and “they embraced what they’ve become”. To me, that seemed more like a forgiving way to say they “jumped the shark in space.” Within the first ten minutes, I was already screaming, “oh, come on!” Now, they’ve gone and brought people back from the dead. However, no amount of CG could give Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel any chemistry.

The chemistry was a major miss

When you get this long in the teeth for a franchise, you are most going because you like these people. It seems that most of the cast (if not all) were going through the motions. Even Jordana Brewster tried to make it seem like it was there, but it was noticeable. Plus, how many people in Dom’s family are called his brother? How many brother’s did he have in his life that died?

Now, we find he has an actual brother. What was hilarious is that there is no similarity between John Cena and Diesel. Even Cipher (Charlize Theron) dropped a Nordic line to describe the physical difference between the two. Let’s not get into the two actors cast to play the younger version of Dom and Jakob. They look nothing alike.

Fast 9 did a lot of fan service with bringing back older characters from the series. However, much like porn, plot wasn’t really that important. I mean, they found a random reason to throw in the cast from Tokyo Drift. The maguffin in this installment didn’t feel like a threat, except that it was explained as one. It was something that had to be taken on faith alone. Like the movie itself.

Fast 9 needs more than a suspension of disbelief

When I saw Han return in the trailer for this movie, I screamed “WTF” at my computer screen. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Han (Sung Kang). I like how Justin Lin bend time to keep him in the movies. Like we’re supposed to believe that all these movies took place between the second and third film. Star Trek doesn’t jump through that many hoops.

Personally, anyone that is all in on this installment is fine. I could see why many people would be turned off as “they jumped the shark.” As happy as I was not having to pay to see this, it is two hours of my life I won’t get back again. This is too much. They have said that the next two films will be the last two. I think that’s good. They’ve gone to space, now time travel is all that’s left.